So, today I’m going to cover an issue that I has bothered me a bit over the years, but one I have never really known how to address. That is, until now. And this topic is…
…drum roll please…
No, I’m not crazy. I haven’t gone off my rocker, okay not completely.
What I’m asking is:
Do you wear your pain like stilettos?
Here’s an idea of what that looks like in words:
I wear my pain like stilettos.
As bad as it may hurt,
No, you’ll never know.
I keep walking with my head up,
Putting on a show
And fronting like nothing is wrong.
I talk the talk like I’m a tough girl
‘Cause there ain’t room for weakness
In rough world that keeps saying
You were never enough, girl.
Yeah, when you get burned,
You learn to be strong.
I wear my pain like stilettos.
(see below for quote source)
Now, I know what you’re thinking. Christmas is an awesome time! What is wrong with you? Why are you thinking about pain? You’re ruining the season! You should be joyful! You should be happy all Christmas season! Stop it! And I agree wholeheartedly. I honestly hate writing this post.
But I know so many can relate, so I write on.
So, let’s just take a moment to think about this. For many people, Christmas is not necessarily a 100% happy time. Yes, they realize the wonderful gift of Christ, love, family, and friends.
And they are thankful to God for everything.
But there is something else tugging at their hearts…pain. Those things that made the Grinch who he was. A little heart or, more likely, a broken one.
Broken by that person who left before it was time. Either through death or through a broken relationship. Broken by the loved one who couldn’t celebrate with them for the first time this year. And the pain deepens with the onset of beautiful previous Christmas memories.
I’m not a relationship guru, but I’m not new to heartbreak, either. So, for you who are hurting this Christmas while remembering and for you who are trying to help someone who is hurting, here are a couple things to remember.
In order to truly feel pain, you must have truly loved.
C.S. Lewis once asserted, “”To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully ’round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” So, this Christmas remember that you loved.
If you loved that deeply, then you loved as Christ commanded.
Christ commands us to love one another as He has loved us – perfectly, unconditionally, purely. If you hurt as much as you do, then you loved someone as deeply as He loved you. To love is to be like your Savior and Creator. To love is human and heavenly. Take comfort in that.
Realize that there is no such thing as a “Quick Fix”.
When we or someone we love is in pain during a season of joy, such as Christmas, our first instinct is to do whatever it takes to make them forget and be joyful. But forgetting doesn’t make pain go away. Feel your pain. As John Green wrote in Fault in Our Stars:
That being said, don’t ruin Christmas by letting your pain dampen the Christmas spirit of love and giving. Rather let your pain drive you to love deeper. To love purely and completely. Do not let grief hinder you and prevent you from feeling the compassion and love of God during this season. Don’t let pain define you. Rather, let it encourage you to have patience with and compassion on and love for others.
Don’t forget to remember that you’re not the only one with pain. Those who have been in pain the longest wear their pain expertly, like models wearing stilettos. So be patient with them and be kind to them and have compassion on them.
Don’t forget to remember that Rome wasn’t built in a day, and a broken heart takes even longer to heal.
And above all, don’t forget…
to Love again.
Lyrics from “Stilettos” ~ Song by country singer Kelsea Ballerini